Tired of your wife not initiating...try this instead.


A common sentiment I hear from the men I serve is that, “I wish she would initiate.”

Brother, let’s flip that question.

— Are you the type of husband that is worth initiating for? —

Her initiating is less about what you perceive as her duty to the level of polarity, tension, and attraction you are bringing into the relationship.

Here are your three ways to become more desirable.

1) Take the lead and plan the calendar for the family. Instead of her telling you what the plans are for the weekend, create the plans and execute.

2) You lead with strategy at work. Bring the same focus, passion, and energy home. Lead a family mission, visions, and values meeting.

3) Get up tomorrow morning and start your day reading the Word. (Do this day in and day out and watch the transformation.)

Bonus: Find the babysitter. Better yet, find three babysitters and plan your dates. This will release her mental load.

Becoming a husband worth following will make you more attractive and desirable.

Let go of the attachment for her to initiate.

The goal is to help your wife become a radiant woman who feels safe, seen, and protected.


High Performance Marriage Journal | Lantz Howard

Join to master the psychology of marriage and leadership—and uncover your true identity to unlock more intimacy, sex, and connection with your wife.

Read more from High Performance Marriage Journal | Lantz Howard

Earlier this summer, I let the voice of religion silence me from talking about what men really long for in marriage: meaningful, transformational sex with their wife.I pulled back because some labeled it “transactional.”But now I see clearly—this is one of the enemy’s greatest strategies: to silence voices, to distort and destroy the gift of married sex, both for pleasure and for creation. Here’s the truth: men don’t just want more sex.The sex they want is deeper than a transaction. The men I...

1. Surrender to the Lordship of Christ Daily Every marriage begins with how a man orders his own heart. Surrender isn’t a one-time prayer; it’s a daily act of humility where you lay down pride, selfish ambition, and control. When a husband wakes up and says, “Jesus, today I give You my thoughts, my actions, and my love,” he becomes anchored. A man surrendered to Christ will never lead his marriage from ego, but from the overflow of God’s love. 2. Tell the Truth About Your Fears and Feelings...

There is a generation of men seeking a mission. This may be your wake-up call. Last week, I finished an intensive with leaders in the Texas Hill Country who are choosing the narrow path—men willing to do their own soul work before mapping the strategy of their organization (we did both). I am convinced that the leaders who embrace this hidden work will be the ones who lead with fresh imagination and resilient presence in the future. For too long, this mission has been hidden beneath our...