The Unintended Consequences of Love Languages


The love language model created a scoreboard mentally in marriage, and it is hurting you more than serving you.

The book has sold millions, and the unintended consequence is that it created a quid pro quo relationship.

"I'll meet your needs..."
"Then you will meet my needs..."

Your marriage was never meant to be a scoreboard of “needs met.”
Your wife was not created to fill all of your needs.



Marriage isn’t about your spouse constantly reading your mind and checking off your list. It’s about two whole people creating a life together.

Take something simple like your weekend plans—

Do you expect her to magically know what you want?
Or do you bring your needs to the table and negotiate together?

Your needs are real. Her needs are real. But your wife was never meant to be the source of your wholeness.

When you stop expecting your spouse to complete you and instead show up whole—willing to share, listen, and create together—you both find more freedom.

Marriage isn’t about getting all your needs met.

It’s about two people who are choosing to use marriage to grow themselves up as two whole individuals who are creating a dynamic life together.


High Performance Marriage Journal | Lantz Howard

Join to master the psychology of marriage and leadership—and uncover your true identity to unlock more intimacy, sex, and connection with your wife.

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ceo marriage coach

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