Every week, I sit with high-achieving men who have become experts at serving everyone else—at the expense of their own heart and deepest desires.

These men are CEOs, entrepreneurs, and creatives who are hard-wired for vision. What they build is inspiring, their success contagious—at least to outsiders.

But behind the scenes? Rarely does anyone tell them the truth. At work, people stay silent out of fear—fear of losing their position, their influence, or their seat at the table.

And at home, their wife sees the other side. He knows it. He feels it. And it hurts. So he hides—not in the obvious ways like pornography—but in subtle ways. He hides his true self. He hides his longings. He hides his heart.

Why does this matter?

Because at work, he thrives on casting vision and holding others accountable. At home, he avoids conflict for fear of losing intimacy, sex, love, or connection.

You can disagree with your wife and stay connected.

If you’ve been placating at home—getting what you want at work but playing it safe in your marriage—then your first step is to risk telling the truth.

Speak with “I” statements.

Name your preferences.

And even risk saying: “I disagree…”

As soon as you create healthy relational tension by standing up to your wife, over time she will find this man to be more attractive. I want to be clear, you are not disagreeing to be strong, assertive, or to win. You are learning to disagree because your voice and presence have stayed silent for too long inside your home. And what she desperately wants more than anything is vision, clarity, courage, and direction. That requires making yourself known.

Face rejection for deeper intimacy.

David Schnarch put it this way:

Brother, intimacy is not built on hiding. It is built on courage.

You are learning to let go of the false identity and walk in the true identity.

This week—risk facing rejection. Show yourself. Step into the truth. That’s where deeper intimacy begins.

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