Recently, I met an older gentleman who surprised me. He asked simple and normal questions, but the way he asked them felt completely different — full of real warmth and genuine curiosity. It made me want to get to know him.

I want to become that kind of man. Someone who listens more than he speaks. Someone who slows down, pays attention, and truly cares about other people’s stories and hearts. You may recall the scripture that says, "be quick to listen and slow to speak..."

Even though I do this kind of listening as my job, I believe we should do it in all our relationships — with our spouse, kids, team, friends, or anyone we talk to. We need more leaders who are committed to being quick listeners.

So here’s your first simple challenge this summer:

When you’re in a normal conversation (or even a frustrating one), slow down and ask:

Then stop talking, lean in, and really listen.

Most people have never been asked that question. When you ask it with sincere interest, something usually shifts — in them and in you.

I tried this myself this week with my family. My oldest daughter just turned 16 and got her first cell phone. With that phone comes more freedom and responsibility, so we sat down as a family to agree on some standards and values for how we’ll use it. (Borrowed this idea from Dr. Henry Cloud from our conversation together on the Whole Hearted Leadership podcast episode 110.)

After I shared why this mattered to me, I asked: “What is the purpose or goal of a phone?” Then I stayed quiet and let everyone share their thoughts. It became the anchor for a really good conversation. In a culture that pushes independence and often leaves people lonely, these small family decisions help keep us close.

Try it this week. One real conversation at a time. I would love to hear how it goes.

May you have the courage to slow down, ask better questions, and have real conversations this summer. If you want more tips and ideas on creating coaching conversations this summer, reply to this email and let me know how I can serve you.

Be Strong, Lantz Howard ​​​​​

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